Understanding and Loving Your Child Who Smokes Pot by Stephen Arterburn

Author:Stephen Arterburn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Salem Books
Published: 2021-08-03T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 9 Implementing Family Policy

One couple, who we’ll call Jan and Pete, discovered marijuana in their son’s bedroom a few weeks after he had graduated from college and moved back home. After discussing their concerns and making their expectations clear, Jan and Pete let Paul know he was welcome to continue living in their home as long as he agreed to refrain from using marijuana. The plan they outlined was clear: If signs suggested Paul was using marijuana or spending time with those who did, he would have six weeks to make other living arrangements. Specifically, he would need to secure a job and an apartment. At the end of those six weeks, he was no longer welcome to live in their home.

When Paul came home one Saturday night reeking of smoke, he tried to skirt past his parents, who were reading in the living room. When they invited him in to chat, they both smelled marijuana.

“Son, we made our expectations clear, and you disregarded them,” Pete said. “Today is May 18, so by July 1, you’ll need to be living someplace else.”

Paul’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“But Dad—” he protested.

Calmly, without anger or anxiety, Pete simply restated the consequence. “Because of your choice, you’ll not be living here after June 30.”

Hearing the conviction in his father’s voice, Paul left the room in a huff.

Turning toward his wife, Pete saw his wife’s face racked with pain.

“Honey,” she began, “I know we said this would happen, but I really don’t think he can do it. I don’t think he can get a job or an apartment on his own.”

Her voice cracked as she fought back tears.

“We’re here if he needs help with an application or reference. But this is his choice, and he’s going to live with the consequences.”

Though grieved, Jan knew her husband was right.

Her concerns were justified. When six weeks had passed, Paul hadn’t done the work to find an apartment and only had a part-time job as a waiter. When his parents remained committed to the plan they’d outlined, Paul angrily packed a few bags and left the house. He texted a friend who picked him up and let him stay at his family’s home. When that became untenable, Paul continued to couch surf between his friends’ homes.

Four months later, Paul begged his parents to let him come back and live at home, swearing that he wouldn’t use marijuana. He’d gotten a full-time job at an upscale restaurant and was saving money to get an apartment with a friend. Sensing his sincerity, Pete and Jan told Paul that if he’d like to come home, there would be certain expectations—including not using marijuana—and they’d all sign a contract agreeing to them.

That did the trick. Paul moved back in—and when he left his parents’ home five months later to move into an apartment, it was his own choice.

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